Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
