happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So here I am, sexting at work.
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