i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
