sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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