my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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