she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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