I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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