Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
