I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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