I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
