i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
