Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
