you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
