When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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