hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
