did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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