He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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