so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You've changed since you got that strap on
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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