Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
