Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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