I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
