there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
