yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
