when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
