he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
