We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
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It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
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I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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