Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
