i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Randomize
