The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
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Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
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he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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