he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
