The maid of honor just puked.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
