is your mom at the bar?
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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