i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
