Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
