is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Randomize
