Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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