i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
