Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize