Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
