I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
