i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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