Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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