It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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