"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
