worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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