A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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