So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
