woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
