i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
