She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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