Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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