So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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