I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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