he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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