As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
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Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
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The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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