i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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