Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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