2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
