are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
