I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
