So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
