Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
