In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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