Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
