Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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