The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
