I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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