found the other keg... it's in the tree
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Randomize
