he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
