what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
