I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
